Happy Laurel Resting

I was hanging out with old friends this weekend, including the Goldfish Poodle, and we were talking about our jobs, and lives, and goals, and at some point - someone candidly admitted that they just "didn't have much of a work ethic right now."

To which I immediately jumped in with a "Right? I want to rest on my laurels. Laurel resting. That’s what I want."

My friend Gina had never heard the expression, so she asked what a laurel was. "Like the Laurel tree?"

Me and Goldfish Poodle: "No! That's stupid."
Him: "..It's like resting on your accomplishments..."
Me: "...It's like resting on your hips...wait. It's accomplishments? I thought it was like - haunches...." *starts gesturing to hip area*

Gina was not convinced. So we looked it up.

And it definitely is related to the Laurel tree. And not at all about haunches.

 A laurel wreath is a circular wreath made of interlocking branches and leaves of the bay laurel (Laurus nobilis), an aromatic broadleaf evergreen...In common modern idiomatic usage it refers to a victory. The expression "resting on one's laurels" refers to someone relying entirely on long-past successes for continued fame or recognition..." 

Well, in any case, the thought of resting was really what I was going for.

I get overwhelmed sometimes in D.C. because it's always about the next thing. "Great project - how are you going to make it better?"  "Bigger?" "What innovations are you adding next?" "Let's make sure you are stretching this year...."

Stretching.

I'm so sick of stretching. I'm already stretched, people. I'm 73 minutes into a Bikram yoga class, stretched, ok? How about giving me a second to just be. In all my stretchy, flexibleness. How about just maintaining whatever thing it is I've been working on building, and not immediately think about how to improve or change it. How about I stop rolling for two seconds and let myself gather moss. How about some moss-gathering as a goal?

And when I talk about laurel resting, it's not that I think I have all these...laurels. To sit on. I'm not saying I have these major achievements that will keep me "relevant" or " successful" for years to come. I just mean - is it so bad to not have a near-term plan for growth or expansion?

I'm also not saying it's a good idea to just become apathetic and complacent, but how about maintaining the status quo briefly, just to re-energize? And furthermore, how about we stop for a second just to bask in the completion of the last thing?

I read this the other day and it explained my thoughts well:

5 Ways To Make Your Life Something To Look Forward To Again                               "...Our minds will be too busy thinking ahead, moving on to the next task without enjoying the moment we’re living in. Our minds need time to reflect on what is happening and on what just happened. Without reflection, we lose joy and excitement. We enjoy most things after the fact. Don’t take time to enjoy them after the fact and you won’t be as excited for them the next time around. You’re excited for the joy and happiness you experience, not the actual activity." - Elitedaily.com

Exactly. And that's why I just paid good money to voluntarily buy a cap, gown, and hood, and plan to take off a day of work to walk across a stage somewhere in Baltimore next month. To honor the fact that I gave up my social life, and at times my sanity, for two years to complete an advanced degree.

No, it wasn't a graduation requirement, and yes I've already walked across a stage for high school and under grad. And heck, I've never even been to the main campus of my graduate school Johns Hopkins University since I took courses at their satellite campus in D.C. But you know what? This is the only time I'll ever get my first Masters (probably only Masters - DON'T YOU PRESSURE ME INTO ANY OTHER DEGREE, YOU STRETCHY, FORWARD MOTION-OBSESSED WORLD), so that deserves some pomp and circumstance.

Perhaps I'll even make my Out Of Office email message something like: 
"Currently resting on my laurels. Please try to make someone else stretch today."

I suggest you give your laurels a good sitting on today as well. We've all earned it. 

Cheezburger

In Honor of my Grad School Graduation Party Tonight, I give you: One of my favorite Grad School Moments

My friends were sweet enough to throw me a party to celebrate the fact that after starting grad school on a whim (my ex-boyfriend thought it was a great idea so I agreed...) two and half years ago, I am finally a MASTER! In tribute, I'm reposting one of my favorite grad school stories below. Enjoy. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Me and...Bobby Brown?

So, I've complained talked a bit about how I'm taking grad school classes while still working full time. And I've mentioned how, like so many other things in my life, I basically got into school on a whim. I fell in love for the first time last year and after we broke up (I broke up with him but it's a long story), we decided We Should Go To Grad School Together! Anyway! Wouldn't that be fun? Not unhealthy at all!

So I guess at the time I just wanted a reason to see him - so I applied. To Grad. School. I suppose I could've just, I don't know, dropped by his house occasionally instead of committing thousands of dollars and years of my life to something. But where's the stress-inducing, bank-account-reducing fun in that?

We both got accepted.

And he started dating someone else.

*gritted teeth grin* Oh that's fine! We can totally still be buddies and see each other in class each week and hang out after class and catch up ON LIFE WITH YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND.

...I dropped the class three weeks in.

Well, switched to another class actually. So that's the reason I'm even in grad school at all at this point - sane, right?? - and he has since basically dropped the program altogether so most of the time I'm like "how again did I get into this??"

But "sort of accidentally falling into something" is surprisingly how a lot of great things happen in my life. So I'm going with it.

And I have to admit, there've already been some interesting things in my other classes. But nothing tops what happened - Last Week.

We were given partners in my Speech Writing class at the beginning of this semester. We haven't done much together until last week, when we were given an assignment to co-write a commercial, Billy Mays-style!, for a product of our choice. My partner emailed and asked if I had a product in mind already and since I didn't, she suggested -

The new Bobby Brown cd.

Oh...kay. That was fast. And specific. And random. But whatever, we can sell a CD just as easily as anything else. So I went to work on a script that basically made fun of everything about Bobby Brown.

(I'm sorry, but Billy Mays commercials are ridiculous and Bobby Brown's life is just too easy to take cheap shots at. I went for the low-hanging fruit. Sue me.)

I sent it to her and she was fine with the concept, and even started sending me more fodder on Brown's life. She said she was sort of an "expert" on Brown. (oh...kay...this girl Loves her some Bobby Brown...) but she did make a comment about how the script was maybe a tiny bit mean, but whatever, it was for a grade.

So we go back and forth and I send her my final draft and say "let me know if you have any changes - I hope it's not too mean" to which she replies: "Oh, it's fine. I'm just a little biased -

BECAUSE HE'S MY BROTHER."

(She did not actually write in all caps but that's how my brain read that sentence) And that's where I blacked out. I'm sorry, wha? Your what?? Ima need more explanation than that, partner.

So I ask if she changed her name, since her last name is not Brown. And I also immediately start Google-stalking her.

And sure enough - there is a YouTube video of them together and he calls her his sister. (He also punches her in the Ta Tas. She was being pinned for a military promotion and he sure did haul off and punch that pin in an unfortunate place...which does seem like something a sibling would do.) I was floored. Then she emails back and explains that while they aren't blood-related, their families are so close they might as well be.

Neat. I just wrote a script bashing the life of a guy you consider family. Thanks for the awkwardness! I told her I was then DYING and asked why she let me make fun of him. She laughed and said "girl, we needed our grade, and it's not like our commercial's going on YouTube or anything!"

Side note: my friends totally begged me to tape the presentation and put it on YouTube and I had refused. Bullet. Dodged. Barely.

So in the end, we got rave reviews on our script and a good grade and the whole thing was funny. But I definitely said "please tell BOBBY BROWN(!) that I didn't mean it and that I love his music."

Really never thought I'd be saying that in my lifetime.

Below is the script so you can cringe at my expense (It was coupled with video direction like 'cut to Bobby's mugshot' or 'cut to Bobby failing at Celebrity Fit Club'...sigh. Me = Horrible. Person. It really was just supposed to be light-hearted and I didn't spend much time on it...I'm sorry Bobby!...(seriously, how do these things happen to me...) Enjoy:

Are you tired of listening to boring music?

Are you uninspired by artists who seem to have it all together?

Do you wish your music artists made you feel better about your own life?

Then do I have an album for you!

Bobby Brown’s: The Masterpiece.

Imagine grooving to new songs from the man who brought you My Prerogative, Every Little Step, and Rock Witcha -

While feeling superior that your life, is better than Brown’s.

Did you get kicked out of New Edition at the age of 16 in a spiral of drug abuse?

Did you have an insane relationship with Whitney Houston that lasted 14 years?

Did you have to face your weight problems on national t.v.?

No! And each time you enjoy The Masterpiece – you’ll be able to see how your life is a Masterpiece...Compared to Bobby Brown.

For just 12.99 you can enjoy good music that makes you feel better about your life.

So let go of that boring pop music sung by do–gooders on your ipod. Start feeling superior that your life has been pretty productive compared to the creators of your music. It’s your prerogative!

Get your copy of The Masterpiece on September 6th. Only at Target.

Presentation-Success!...eventually.

You'll be happy to know, nothing disastrous happened during my class presentation. But there were some close calls:

Right as I was leaving work to head to class, I look down and realize -

I'm wearing two different shoes.

(I keep several pairs of shoes under my desk -- it's like a DSW down there.)

Already off to an excellent start.

I narrowly avoid that disaster, get to class, and am told one of our team members has kindly made color copies of our presentation and that we'll all be splitting the cost of those copies. The other team member looks at me and says "the copies were ninety dollars."

I'm sorry, what?

Ninety? What did we print the presentation on, Kobe beef?

I try to shake that off and regroup in time to settle in to the first part of class which would entail listening to another group present before my group's turn. As if that wasn't enough to set me on edge, it turns out one classmate was sick in Florida and was attending class virtually through another classmate's iPad.

If you don't believe we are living in the future, just try sitting next to an iPad face that talks and responds and is propped up on your own purse all during class. I kept having to check and make sure my elbow or waterbottle wasn't blocking class from the face. Very unsettling.

Then, right as our group was up to present, the fourth member of our team - a girl who has proven a bit challenging every step of the way- shows up looking harried and mutters something about not having already printed off her notes. We spent the next 10 minutes trying to get those notes printed somehow, while our professor and our fake potential clients waited.

Sigh.

Finally, we start the presentation. And I, as expected, have trouble remembering to exhale but I do manage to get through my part and hand off to the next person. We continue through until I realize we are on track to go way over time. So I, in my typical impatient fashion, simply wait for a second where the professor and client seem distracted and I walk up to the podium and quietly state that "we need to wrap it up" to my teammate, while giving the universal "wrap it up" motion with my finger.

So subtle.

It wasn't until the end of class that I remember the professor has been video taping all the presentations so we can see how badly we all are at public speaking. And that camera totally saw my subtle "get a move on, already" move. So professional - ugh.

At least we got through it and I think we'll pass. Can't wait to watch the video footage next week....

Pulling an Italian Job

My Goldfish Poodleness has struck again. (see description of a Goldfish Poodle: here. See examples: every day of my life. And throughout most of this blog).

On the Goldfish side of Goldfish Poodledom, I've been known to experience things then completely forget it ever happened. Sometimes, I even start to go through things again, thinking I have not done it, then realize I actually already did but I forgot. I give you: The Italian Job.

Yes, the movie. Which, I realize is about stealing things, which I have not done (that I can remember anyway...).

This is about the time I went to see The Italian Job in the theater with some friends. And we got through the first, say, 15 minutes of it and I realize -

I had already seen The Italian Job. In the theater. Recently.

And this situation is made worse by the fact that, because of the Poodle side of Goldfish Poodledom, I'm typically too hyper to sit still through an entire movie, let alone pay to be confined to my seat through the duration of a movie in the theater. So I just don't go often. At all. Yet now somehow, because of the Goldfish side - aka my Forgetfulness - I'll be sitting through the same movie -- twice. Needless to say, I was amused but also a little annoyed.

And since that movie incident, I sadly still end up in situations where I foolishly do something only to realize I had already done it. Take: This semester.

I finally decide: I'm Going To Be Ahead Of The Curve This Time! And I order my textbooks right when I register for my next class. This was December.

Anyway, my school has a system where it tells you what books each class requires and you can order them right then. So I do, and I get an email weeks later saying the professor decided to add books (oh good! I was wondering what I would do with that extra cash and free time -- thank goodness I can buy more books to add to my reading list each week!) So now I'm in the throws of a crazy project at work and can barely make decisions. So I get on the phone with the book people and I'm like "um, just tell me what I need to do please." So the lady says - "oh yes, you have not bought all the books you need yet." So I'm like -- ok, let's do this then!

Then she proceeds to read each title to me. And apparently, I was not even remotely listening and just kept saying "yeah that one too" yep, throw that one in there" "sure! why not!" because I figure -- the professor has added more books. I need to pass this class. Ergo, I need to get all the assigned books. Right?

Fast forward to the arrival of these books. And I open the box and find --

two books I already own from previous classes.

*Face Palm*

I totally pulled an Italian Job on my schoolbooks.

Then, this weekend, I was in Productivity Mode where I was going to get all my To Do list done, or die trying. So one item that feels like it's always on the list is -- baby or wedding gifts. So I mentally go through my calendar of what celebrations are coming up next, and I remember my friend Chris' wedding.

And I can not for the life of me remember if I'd already sent them a gift.

(The wedding hasn't happened but sometimes I have gifts sent to the couples' house instead of taking them to the wedding because A. that's supposedly the new thing to do as it allows the couple to not have to schlep everything in one day and B.
Because I'm Lazy and it's easier that way. There. I said it. I'm southern, I have friends who started getting married before high school even ended. (and some who've been married multiple times since) I've now been in over a decade of a fairly steady stream of weddings, I don't have time to keep up with ALL the weddings. I'm sorry. Ahem.)

So I spent at least 20 minutes checking my emails, trying to find a receipt or something for Chris. I finally decide I don't think I already bought them something, and I go ahead and hit up Crate and Barrel.

I hope I didn't just pull an Italian Job on Chris' wedding.

Sigh. Who knows. But it really makes me question all the advice people throw around to "prepare" and "get things done early" because ...in my case, even if the early bird catches the worm, she'll later forget that and buy a cheeseburger anyway.

http://www.movieposterdb.com/poster/4e1383a5

New Semesters

I just started my new semester in grad school. I’m only taking one class, as opposed to my (stupid!) decision to take two during the summer, so I figured it wouldn’t be too bad.

Until I looked at the list of required books. There were FIVE.

Sigh.

Then, I realize on my way to class, that I have no idea what room the class is even in. I have not received any emails, don’t even remember the professor’s name, and don't have any of those 5 books, as I ordered them late. Great start!

I find the class and it’s in a computer lab. (which, I really should’ve guessed considering the class is about public relations “in the digital age”…I’m a quick one) And I’m not that pleased considering I spend my entire day in front of computer AND I’m now worried I’ll be distracted by my personal email and/or Facebook during class because I’m a Goldfish Poodle.

Then I realize the computer screens are GIANT and the rows behind me could definitely see the one time I DID open my personal email. The top message in my inbox was from my crazy friend in Philly and the subject line simply read “Why I’m Single.”

So now I'm scared to open that email.

I end up briefly glancing at it on my phone instead and that subject line held a huge STRING of replies between a few of my friends but the only message I took the time to read said:

 “being in a relationship is like being on a donkey that runs head first into a wall”

So yeah, good call on not opening that on Giant Screen, lest the people behind me immediately judge me based on my friends.

The donkey thing actually refers to a story about Philly Friend where she was on a donkey that did run head first into a wall so remembering that of course made me giggle to myself during class. So the people behind me probably think I'm crazy anyway. Better they learn early, I suppose!

I later told Philly Friend about the incident and she replied that she would be sending me blank emails with inappropriate subject lines every week during my class for the sake of the people behind me in that case. Considering this girl has also sent me work-related (hers, not mine) emails involving Koalas and STDs, I absolutely believe her.

So, I definitely won’t be doing much personal communications during class afterall.  Fortunately for me, the professor is totally entertaining.

He began by frantically pacing the room before introducing himself. He assigned us all to use Google + as the class communication tool, which none of us - including him - really understand. And at one point he asked who all in the class had ever tried to influence social media in their organizations, and when one girl said she actually quit her last job because she had tried and they wouldn't take her suggestions, the teacher blurted out:

“No sh… kidding?”

To which everyone snickered like 7^th graders because THE TEACHER NEARLY SWORE!

He also asked us all where we worked and one girl announced she worked for Street Sense...then immediately clarified "The retailer, not the Homeless Newspaper."

Because Street Sense is actually the name of a paper that the homeless community in D.C. writes and sells to earn income. I think it’s a fantastic program, but I guess I can understand the questions that inevitably would arise as to how someone involved with that publication could afford to be in grad school… in any case, later in the class the professor basically referenced her as the Girl Who Does not Work for the Homeless Newspaper.

Nice. Hopefully I don't become The Girl Who Is not Passing This Class Because She is Too Busy Reading Emails About Suicidal Donkeys.

Then, halfway through the class, the professor inexplicably begins writing all our names on the board in teams under titles like “Email” or “Wiki”. My name?

was under “Special Team.”

And instead of the obvious mental stability joke there, I think, "So …I’m …the…Kicker for the class??" (I don’t think anyone else’s brains went straight to football because when I made some remark about how “some games are won by special teams” no one responded. I guess THEY aren’t from an SEC state like Tennessee …)

In any case, the professor never did explain what that meant so that should be interesting. But I’m a little nervous about this whole Team thing because I typically hate group work. I’m weird, I have my own personal processes that work for me but look crazy messy to others, and I’m a perfectionist in many ways and end up just doing most of the work myself.  NERD ALERT, I know. But that being said, my class is also 99% female. And you know what I hate just as much as working in groups?

Working with females.

I know, I know, that’s totally un-“sisterhood of the travelling pants” of me but I’m sorry, my gender talks too much, is too emotional when it comes to business, and sugar-coats things instead of just spitting out what needs to be said.

Don’t get me wrong, I can have a mood-swing and get super-sensitive LIKE IT’S MY JOB. But ironically, AT my job, I tend to function more like a male. At least in the sense that – let’s cut the crap, stop taking things personally, and just freaking get the job done. But I digress.

In the end, I think this class might be fun, group work and all. We'll see.

But this week was not only the start of my school semester, but the "Small Group" (AKA Bible Studies) semester at my church also just started. And I had a less than stellar start to that as well, which I'll explain more next time.

Me and...Bobby Brown?

I'm taking a break in my Semester in Europe reminiscing to tell a story that happened just a few days ago. While several people reading this have already heard this story from me directly, I'm assuming the people who read this from India, Malaysia, Qatar, etc. (this is what my reader "stats" tell me anyway. I have no clue how blogs get around the world but I love it) probably haven't heard. Since, to my knowledge, I don't currently have friends in India, Malaysia or Qatar...but welcome! We are friends now!

So, I've complained talked a bit about how I'm taking grad school classes while still working full time. And I've mentioned how, like so many other things in my life, I basically got into school on a whim. I fell in love for the first time last year and AFTER we broke up (I broke up with him but it's a long story), we decided We Should Go To Grad School Together! Anyway! Wouldn't that be fun? Not unhealthy at all!

So I guess at the time I just wanted a reason to see him - so I applied. To Grad. School. I suppose I could've just, I don't know, DROPPED BY HIS HOUSE occasionally instead of committing thousands of dollars and YEARS of my life to something. But where's the stress-inducing, bank-account-reducing fun in that?

We both got accepted.

And he started dating someone else.

*gritted teeth grin* Oh that's fine! We can totally still be buddies and see each other in class each week and hang out after class and catch up ON LIFE WITH YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND.

...I dropped the class three weeks in.

Well, switched to another class actually. So that's the reason I'm even in grad school at all at this point - sane, right?? - and he has since basically dropped the program altogether so most of the time I'm like "HOW again did I get into this??"

But "sort of accidentally falling into something" is surprisingly how a lot of great things happen in my life. So I'm going with it.

And I have to admit, there've already been some interesting things in my other classes. But nothing tops what happened - Last Week.

We were given partners in my Speech Writing class at the beginning of this semester. We haven't done much together until last week, when we were given an assignment to co-write a commercial, Billy Mays-style!, for a product of our choice. My partner emailed and asked if I had a product in mind already and since I didn't, she suggested -

The new Bobby Brown cd.

Oh...kay. That was fast. And specific. And random. But whatever, we can sell a CD just as easily as anything else. So I went to work on a script that basically made fun of everything about Bobby Brown.

(I'm sorry, but Billy Mays commercials are ridiculous and Bobby Brown's life is just too easy to take cheap shots at. I went for the low-hanging fruit. Sue me.)

I sent it to her and she was fine with the concept, and even started sending me more fodder on Brown's life. She said she was sort of an "expert" on Brown. (oh...kay...this girl Loves her some Bobby Brown...) but she did make a comment about how the script was maybe a tiny bit mean, but whatever, it was for a grade.

So we go back and forth and I send her my final draft and say "let me know if you have any changes - I hope it's not too mean" to which she replies: "Oh, it's fine. I'm just a little biased -

BECAUSE HE'S MY BROTHER."

(She did not actually write in all caps but that's how my brain read that sentence) And that's where I blacked out. I'm sorry, wha? Your what?? Ima need more explanation than that, partner.

So I ask if she changed her name, since her last name is not Brown. And I also immediatly start Google-stalking her.

And sure enough - there is a YouTube video of them together and he calls her his sister. (He also punches her in the Ta Tas. She was being pinned for a military promotion and he sure did haul off and punch that pin in an unfortunate place...which does seem like something a sibling would do.) I was floored. Then she emails back and explains that while they aren't blood-related, their families are so close they might as well be.

Neat. I just wrote a script bashing the life of a guy you consider family. Thanks for the awkwardness! I told her I was then DYING and asked why she let me make fun of him. She laughed and said "girl, we needed our grade, and it's not like our commercial's going on YouTube or anything!"

Side note: my friends totally begged me to tape the presentation and put it on YouTube and I had refused. Bullet. Dodged. Barely.
So in the end, we got rave reviews on our script and a good grade and the whole thing was funny. But I definitely said "please tell BOBBY BROWN(!) that I didn't mean it and that I love his music."

Really never thought I'd be saying that in my lifetime.

Below is the script so you can cringe at my expense (It was coupled with video direction like 'cut to Bobby's mugshot' or 'cut to Bobby failing at Celebrity Fit Club'...sigh. Me = Horrible. Person. It really was just supposed to be light-hearted and I didn't spend much time on it...I'm sorry Bobby!...(seriously, how do these things happen to me...) Enjoy:

Are you tired of listening to boring music?

Are you uninspired by artists who seem to have it all together?

Do you wish your music artists made you feel better about your own life?

Then do I have an album for you!

Bobby Brown’s: The Masterpiece.

Imagine grooving to new songs from the man who brought you My Prerogative, Every Little Step, and Rock Witcha -

While feeling superior that your life, is better than Brown’s.

Did you get kicked out of New Edition at the age of 16 in a spiral of drug abuse?

Did you have an insane relationship with Whitney Houston that lasted 14 years?

Did you have to face your weight problems on national t.v.?

No! And each time you enjoy The Masterpiece – you’ll be able to see how your life is a Masterpiece...Compared to Bobby Brown.

For just 12.99 you can enjoy good music that makes you feel better about your life.

So let go of that boring pop music sung by do–gooders on your ipod. Start feeling superior that your life has been pretty productive compared to the creators of your music. It’s your prerogative!

Get your copy of The Masterpiece on September 6th. Only at Target.

Love The Skin You're In

For my final paper in one of my grad school classes this semester, we basically have to choose a negative Human Behavior, look at it through the lens of one of several theories, and think of ways to target changing that behavior with a public relations campaign.

(Incidentally, the guy from the Boat Ride story here suggested I go with "Fear of Commitment"... I'm going to pretend that wasn't a direct jab. Ahem.)

I chose Tanning Bed Use. And while I don't use tanning beds now, I used to in High School (come on! I was on the dance team for BASKETBALL season - AKA - the winter. Short skirts + white legs = no prom date, people.) And I still shamefully lay out in natural sunlight and participate in outdoor activities without wearing sunscreen.

So perhaps I'll learn to convince myself otherwise.

Anyway, I told you here about the mole I had removed. But I didn't tell you the extremely embarrassing appointments before that.

There were two. One was a year or so before, when I went for a Mole Patrol appointment and discovered much to my dismay that not only would the dermatologist be conducting my check-up, but - oh look! there are STUDENTS too! And they will ALSO be peering intently at EVERY INCH of my NAKED BODY looking for anything suspicious in the way of moles. (and I now realize I sound like I'm covered in moles - I'm not. I actually hardly have any - I'm covered in freckles! (my arms anyway) See? Much less hideous! Freckles are angel kisses, or so my aunt told me when I was a child to make me feel better...) So I don't really have that much to have checked but I'm paranoid and once I got health insurance, I started getting annual check ups for EVERYTHING! Just because I could!

So, having a guy around my age peer all over my body (and given my lovely internal homing device, this is probably someone I'll most definitely run into while out socially in Georgetown some Saturday night) was slightly uncomfortable.

BUT NOT AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS THE NEXT YEAR. When I went to a DIFFERENT doctor - the one who removed a mole. When I first went to her, she asked me what all I wanted to discuss. And I told her I just wanted a check-up to make sure I hadn't given myself skin cancer. I also asked her opinions on good body washes because I work out fairly regularly and want to take care of my skin after sweating through hour-long torture sessions spin classes. Well, she must've jotted something down because of what happened next.

She tells me she wants to do a biopsy of a mole and so I have to come back. And when I go back, I meet: Her Assistant. A guy who looks kind of like a dark-haired Seth Rogan but acts like Napolean Dynamite.

Greeeeat Bedside Manner, let me tell ya.

So I'm ALONE with this guy in a tiny room with the door closed and he blurts out something like "so you're having bad skin problems?"

Me, southern-belle-horrified-- "NO I AM NOT!" humph. "I'm having a mole removed!"

Awkward silence. And I'm already nervous due to said mole.

Him again: "So...you work out a lot, huh?"

Me, shutting my eyes in disbelief at this attempt at SMALL TALK, based on whatever is apparently on my chart from the Body Wash discussion: "Um, sure."

I pretend to check my email on my phone.

Him again: "Yeah, I try to work out but I need to get more regular...."

Me: Aaaand we're done here buddy.

I don't even remember what I said, probably just "mmm..." and stopped looking at him. I think he attempted a couple more times at awkward conversation and he finally left, thankfully.

After that, having something burned off my skin was a breeze.

Perhaps that scenario should be part of my hypothetical campaign: Stop Tanning - or you'll have to be alone in a room with THAT guy...

Baby Snow Oxen and Goldfish Poodles....

There is a myth that goldfish only have a three-second memory span and every lap of their fishbowl is like seeing the world for the first time. My friend Rod and I joke that we stay so frazzled that we often live our lives that way too. We are also easily excited (I blame that on coffee, I think Rod's energy is more Sweet Tea-induced....) so our friend Amy likens us to anxious Poodles. Which created the title "Goldfish Poodles" to describe us during the frequent moments when we have No Idea Where We Are But We Are Excited About It.

Contrastly, my friend Caitlin recently described a Nature Channel piece on Yaks (which she likes to call "Snow Oxen"), which showed the tragic events that take place when a baby doesn't make it into the protective herd huddle and is left to bleat sadly until it's demise at the mouth of wolves.

This week, I've been that Baby Snow Ox.

It would take too long to describe in detail what happened to me at work but it went something like this:

Me, 2 weeks ago: "Do you have edits to this really important document?"
Them, 2 weeks ago: "Eh, add a space here. That's all"
Me, Monday: And - SEND.
Them, Tuesday: "I actually do have edits - please see your really important document ALL COVERED IN RED with multiple questions you need to research and please write War And Peace but fit it into the length of The Cat In The Hat. That's all"
Me, Last night, delirious: ...aaand....re...send....zzzzz
Them, this morning: "You say you resent it? I only see this old version...we'll have to put this really important presentation on hold until we find the other version"
Me: *Head Hits Table*
END SCENE

Simultaneously, yesterday I had 2 homework assignments due, which, because I'm a Goldfish Poodle, I didn't fully grasp until...well, yesterday:

1. For the first class, I was to Read 6 chapters of a book I had yet to receive in the mail, and write a speech. I winged it. And got the book today.
2. I lazily glance at the workplan for my other class and see that there is some mythical schedule stating which students need to submit Podcasts on the Readings each week. And oh look! I was scheduled for this week! And it's due by midnight! Guess I need to figure out what a Podcast is! ....and buy a microphone....

Sigh. I finished everything around 2 am and got up to make a presentation. So currently, I feel like I've been run over. Or, eaten by wolves. But it's ok, because in a second I'll reset and be excited again.