So, obviously I love this quote, since it's my tagline. And for those of you who have not seen the movie Empire Records, it's from a scene where one of the characters asks another, "what's WITH you today??" and he replied (in a dreamy/stoner "higher level of thinking" sort of way) "what's with TODAY, today?..." Which makes me laugh and it fits perfectly with my life because I so often get caught in the throws of Murphy's Law and think "what is HAPPENING to me today??"
I was working from home and planned to attend a large meeting at a fancy hotel nearby at 4:00pm. But, per usual, I'm trying to answer one more email and take one more call before heading out. And I'm hungry, and I'm in my weekly race with my groceries where I have to eat meals like - a cup of milk, a bottle of acai juice, something involving bread, and a zuchini, before all those things spoil simulataneously.
Yesterday's concerning food items were my sweet potatoes.
So I'm "baking" (microwaving) one to throw brown sugar on and eat on the way, and I'm still on a call, still on my email, and someone tells me they want to have a call with me at 4:30.
Fine. I'll go into my meeting, then slip out and take the call.
Then I realize it's 10 minutes until 4:00. And the evening proceeds roughly as follows:
3:50: I'm driving too fast WHILE EATING A SWEET POTATO, and trying to stay cool with Air Conditioning because I do NOT want to have to wash this dress after wearing it for just a couple hours. And I have to find the hotel. And I can't find it. Then I do find it, find parking, and get out to pay the meter.
4:06: my wallet vomits coins all inside my purse.
Backstory: the day before yesterday, I was cleaning out a purse and found a TON of change in the bottom, so I put it in my wallet, FORCE the wallet closed, and plan to move it to the change pouch I have in my car. And I think to myself "this is totally a bad plan and this thing is going to burst open and dump in my OTHER purse"...
4:07 I pay the meter, start sweating (No! My Dress!!!) and walk back down the mound of dirt around one of the trees lining the sidewalk, towards my car.
4:08 I fall down that mound of dirt.
Slide down it really, it was pretty much in slow motion - you know, so the maximum amount of people around could catch the sight.
4:09 I get up, stifle laughter, grab my stuff and head towards the hotel. And I look down just to make sure my dress hasn't like popped open or something in the fall.
And it IS untied.
But nothing drastic, I'm still half-way presentable, and I still have faith it will make it another wear before washing. So I re-tie and enter the hotel.
4:13 I see a registration table for an event. And before I reach the table, I'm already loudly asking "Is this for [name of event]?" and the lady WHISPERS! that it is.
Oooooh. The door beside that table leads to the event.
And it's open.
4:20 Dana just now walks into her 4:00 event...after possibly announcing her own presence.
4:21 I sit, try not to make too much noise, bend down to change out of my "walking flip flops" into my heels -
and see dirt all over the side of my foot.
Craaaaap. I had looked at my dress but forget to check my skin after that fall.
Thankfully, dirt was not covering my entire leg, like I then assumed it was. And I think, again, "it's ok, I'm STILL half-way presentable, it's fine." And I proceed to pay attention to the meeting -- except every few minutes I have to stifle laughter again because I get an image of myself falling down that stupid dirt mound.
And then I get an email that my 4:30 call is now at 6:30. Excellent! Now I don't have to walk right back out- the day is looking up!
6:00 The event ends, and I go up to talk to a senior manager, then I hit the restroom, where I glance at the mirror:
And it looks like I have a faint black eye.
Apparently, in my haste to put on eye shadow, I didn't realize some of it had fallen under my eye. Lovely, now my manager thinks I've recently been in a fist fight. Forget it! I'm going to Target....
6:30 I call my 4:30 call in the parking lot of Target - and get a voicemail.
6:31 I go IN Target, because I need something.
6:35 somewhere in the Sports Bras, my 4:30 call -calls.
'Oh HI! Sure, this is still a great time to talk! There are definitely not people shopping for bras next to me...'
And the call goes fine, the lady never actually realizes I'm in Target, and all is well. And I stop to get gas on my way home.
And the gas tank doesn't work.
So I'm sweating again, and pull into another tank, get out, and get gas.
7:06 I realize - this dress is SO going in the wash....
7:15 I finally get home and decide to replace the belt on my vacuum. Then I burn the new belt immediately. Then put another one on...
And start to suck up a TENNIS. SHOE.
The vacuum grabbed the lace and started trying to EAT IT, then started SMOKING before I could even hit the Off button. Which left my apartment smelling like burnt rubber, and left me wondering:
What was WITH today??