So besides the national disasters I've been intimately involved in -9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Swine Flu, Oil Spill....- I also incur little disasters. Sometimes I think my presence may even create them in other people's lives. (I had someone recently blame me for the fact that his phone stopped receiving texts after he texted me and that his computer stopped working while instant messaging me. If only I could harnass that power and use it to sabotage every guy who's ever rejected me...)
And I can't tell you the number of times I finish a project at work and people say "that was totally not the normal way these things go - that was crazy." And I've had more than one boss who people will hear the name of and give me an "OH GOSH" face, like "YOU worked for THEM?? And lived?!?"
I'm a magnet.
So one time recently, I was working from home and did not leave except to drive to my bank. I get there at 3 pm, thinking they surely don’t close until 4. I pull in behind an SUV along the street. That car then proceeds to EXIT his spot, and I guess the fact that I was behind him threw him off (I promise I didn’t park too close, I parked the normal distance of parellelisms) because he started to back up, then IMMEDIATELY pulled up-
INTO the car in front of him.
And I felt so awkward because I kind of felt responsible, even though this guy had plenty of space and clearly just made a bad judgement. But I just hop out and after seeing that they don’t need witnesses (the owner of the other car has already come out in bewilderment), I walk up to my bank.
And they closed at 3pm. It is now 3:18pm.
So I have to walk immediately BACK by the accident, where now the SUV kid is awkwardly apologizing to the car owner, and I shamefully get in my car and drive right back to my house.
I later told my friend that I felt like the only thing I did that day - was wreck someone else’s day.
Now THIS week, I've had computer issues. Both on my personal and work laptop. Which messes up my entire life because if I'm not doing work stuff, I'm doing school stuff and I feel paralyzed without computers. So I've literally switched between the two so when one temporarily breaks again, I run to the other and try to finish something else until that one temporarily breaks, and so on.
Now don't you feel better about your sanity?
So I end up having to use BOTH those computers to try to submit a paper before midnight last night.
THEN MY SCHOOL EMAIL SYSTEM BREAKS. Ya can't make this stuff up....
Side note: I ended up GOOGLING my professor, hoping to find an email address for him since I don't remember what his is and now can't get into my school inbox to find out. I send my paper to the email I find for him. Then I wake up today and resend it using my school's email, which is now working (of course!). I write an explanation and something like "I sent this last night to your other email, I promise!" To which he replied:Anyway, so I take my laptop to get fixed on my lunch break today. And as I'm looking for a parking spot, I notice two different cars backing out of their spots.
I BELIEVE YOU.
Ha! I guess my panic translated virtually, because that came across kinda like "DON'T JUMP. IT'S OK."
And they back right into eachother.
So now I'm afraid my weird disaster karma just caused that...and I park. Then I look up - and see a random Winnebago across the lot and two dread-locked hippie-looking guys reencting the collision for eachother.
That is strange in Alexandria, VA.
So I get out, and they make a bee line for me for some reason. So I'm like "hey, that sucked right?" making small talk about the accident we all just saw. Because I figure guys living in Winnebagos are cool like that and you can just act like ya'll are friends from way back...
And one's all "yeah, right? Hey, could I play you a song on my guitar for a couple bucks? My camper just died and we need $16 to fix it."
You know what, sure buddy. Why WOULDN'T I be approached like this in the parking lot of a Best Buy? So I tell him I sadly don't have time to listen to a song, though I'm sure it's beautiful, but I gave him a few bucks anyway.
So the other guy jumps in, apparently concerned I get SOMETHING to make up for the lack of song. And he pulls out a wad of STUFF and says:
"Here! Take this lucky SHARK'S TOOTH! We got these in Florida!"
So I did.
I now have a tiny, brownish triangle shaped petrified tooth thing in my purse. And if it really does bring me good luck, it was probably worth a whole lot more than a couple bucks. I probably should've just bought those guys a brand new camper....